My eyes fling open at the sound of my alarm blaring throughout the darkness of my room. The air is chilly, groaning, I grab the blankets, pull them up to my shoulders and roll onto my side.
“Ellie! Your bloody phone!” I hear my housemate yell from her room next to mine. I sigh angrily before dragging myself out of bed.
I’m usually a happy person, I would wake up every morning thankful to be alive but this morning? This morning I wake up in the dark place that I have spent months crawling out of. Standing in the shower, I find myself wishing for a way to end this constant pain and miser. Leaning my body against the wall, the water raining down my body and I start to cry. The feeling that I’m not good enough fills my chest, my body goes numb and I sink to the floor. I clasp my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound when I hear noises coming from the kitchen.
In my room, I stare at my reflection. I decided to wear a bright floral dress and have my hair up in a messy ponytail. On the outside, I look good, I look happy but on the inside, I’m battling a war that I’m constantly losing. I’m torn between the desire to live life to the full and the desire to end it and let everyone that I care about move on without me holding them back.
I’m at the table eating breakfast when I realise how quiet this house is, I think about the silence and I feel alone. It’s not that I don’t have people who love and care for me, it’s as the saying goes, ‘I could be surrounded by a million people and still feel like I’m the last person on earth.’
“Good Morning Ellie.” My housemate’s voice startles me. I smile up at her. I don’t trust myself to speak yet, afraid that I’ll say something that will offend her so instead I wash up my dishes and head back to my room.
I hear my phone chime, slipping my feet into my shoes, I look at the screen. It’s a message from him, he’s telling me to have a good morning, such simple words make me feel a small sense of happiness. “It might be a good day after all.” I whisper. Checking the time and I curse loudly. I’m running a few minutes late. Beginning to panic, I grab my bag and phone before running out the door.
The street is bustling with people on their way to work. Someone runs into me and apologises but I don’t notice, my phone has chimed again, I laugh as I read the message. Who knew that you could make your inner darkness flinch with the mention of someone’s name. when it chimes again, my head springs up. I smile at the familiar figure walking towards me. He’s a tall, brown-haired man, with a smile to die for. He reaches me, pulls me in and hugs me tightly. Hugging him makes me feel less alone, less empty on the inside.
We pull apart and he cups y face with both hands, my hands instinctively grab hold of his as he kisses my lips softly. Despite out differences, out inner demons and our own personal darkness, I love him and he loves me. We accept each other’s flaws and complement each other in so many ways. I can slay my demons, as long as he is by my side. Why you ask?
Because this beautiful man is my safe haven.