He’s sitting across from me drinking his drink, “this is good stuff. Might come here more often.” He said smiling at me. I honestly don’t know what to say, I nod in response and he starts talking to me about something. I don’t even know the subject, all I can see is his smile and hazel eyes. He’s beautiful, not just in a physical sense but in an intellectual sense too. I smile and nod when he pauses. I don’t think he even realises that he’s distracting me, he laughs out loud and I can’t help but smile back. I’m blushing and I know it, I hope he doesn’t notice.
Back at home, I’m having dinner with my best friend, “he has this laugh, this amazing and contagious laugh. I get butterflies and my knees go weak at the sight of his smile.”
“Just tell him how you feel.” She urges but I shake my head.
“I can’t do that,” I say, “I’ve only just met him.” I feel my face burn with the impending blush. I can tell she has noticed because she’s trying not to laugh while she has food in her mouth. I open my mouth to say something but close it.
“You’re just being silly.” She states. “Maybe he’s keen on you too.” My heart starts beating like a jackhammer. What if he does? Would that be so bad?
I shake my head as if it was going to shake away my anxiety. “Maybe but wouldn’t it be better to be friends for now?” I ask, my voice shaking.
My best friend looks at me in confusion. If someone had walked into the room right at that moment, they would think that I just told her that I was a monkey in space. She eventually shrugs her shoulders in response. “Yes, you could be friends for now but there’s a window of opportunity and you wouldn’t want to miss it.”
I stare at a spot on the wall, pondering what she was saying. Her voice sounds so far away, window of opportunity? Is there such a thing? Would he say yes? Or would he reject me? The idea of rejection scares me more than it used to. “What if he says no?” I ask cutting her off from what she was saying.
I look down at my bowl and I spin spaghetti on my fork. “You won’t know if you don’t try, besides it’s not like you’re proposing marriage yeah? All you’re doing is asking him on a date.”
She’s right. After dealing with shitty people for the last three years, it’s finally nice to meet someone who is just as genuine as he seems. I love spending time with him, not as anything more than a friend. I like him but I’d be happy just to be able to hang out and be friends. The thought of going any further than that scares the hell out of me. “Maybe I will.” I finally say.
“When I say date, I don’t mean invite him to outings with me and the girls. That gives off the friend vibe.” I hear her say.
After she goes home, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. How do I ask someone on a date? Do I just walk up to them and just come out with it or do I have to build up to it? I sigh loudly. I roll to the edge of the bed to get up but instead I roll off. I hit the ground with a loud thump. “Ouch.” I groan loudly. Frustrated, I grab my things for the shower and walk out the door.
The water cascading over my body, I welcome the familiar sting of the hot water onto my skin. Usually when I’m confused or frustrated, I would jump in the shower. I’d put on music and eventually I would forget everything that was causing any kind of negative feelings and start singing along. I end up dancing to a Niall song, singing loud enough for the neighbours to hear but I don’t care. It’s the most fun I’ve had in days. Off goes the tap and I dress for bed.
The next day I wake to the sun shining. A welcome surprise from a few days of rain. “Today I’m going to do it.” I whisper as I look around for something to wear.
I decide to wear jeans and a colourful tube top and a black jacket. I look in the mirror and primp my hair. I groan in frustration at the wild frizzy hair. I can never tame them to sit where I want them too. I grab my hairband and put some up leaving some of my wayward curls cascade down my shoulders. With one last look in the mirror, I grab my bag and fly out the door.
Music playing in my ears, I walk towards the buildings. I’ll see him there despite the early time. My heart beats fast, I’m getting nervous, am I sure that I want to do this? Put myself through a possible rejection? I stop walking and breath. There’s no room in my day today for a panic attack. I look up and I see him. He looks good today. My smile quickly fades when I realise I probably look frumpy. “It’s now or never.” I whisper.
I walk over to him and say hello. He greets me with a smile, like he greets everyone. My knees buckle. Oh shit. I ask him how is day has been then mentally smacking myself when I realise that the day has barely even started. I stumble over my words. Damn it. “I was wondering,” yes great way to start the sentence, “would you like to have lunch with me today?” I ask with a slight stutter.
He looks down at me and smiles, “yes.”